if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
