Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
it's not cheating when I paid for it
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
