we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
