so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
