I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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