Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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