i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
