you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
nutella sex= disaster
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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