Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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