Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
