Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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