dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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