turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
