Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
