Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
