From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
