the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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