i just made my gag reflex go away.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
