Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
