I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize