They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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