You were right. It hurts to walk today.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
