Please, let me fuck your mom
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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