I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
