I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize