jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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