His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
this hospital has no fireball
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
