apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
