so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
