My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
