By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize