oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
