It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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