i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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