While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
