im gay
i know
yea but for you.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
