Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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