Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
