How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
