ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
