I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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