The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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