I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize