Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
