I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Alive.
So much puke
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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