I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
