Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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