You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
