He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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