i will never coherently bang her
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
My vagina just clenched in fear
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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