So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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