you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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