in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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