he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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