We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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