At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
we're making bets on your personal life
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
