I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
