I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
