I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
