I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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