Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
