omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
