I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
