I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I want to walk on stilts...naked
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
