I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
