He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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