RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
