Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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