Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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