my soul wont recognize me after tonight
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
